I wouldn't be afraid of spiders if I could just talk to them, you know?

  • Me:Oh, hey whoa, this shower is occupied.
  • Spider:Omg man I didn't see you there.
  • Me:We cool?
  • Spider:Yeah, yeah, we're cool. I'm just coming down to scope out the tub.
  • Me:Oh, that's legit. Hey, you might wanna move over some--you're descending right into the shower stream and I don't want you to drown.
  • Spider:Hey thanks, bud. I'll be careful.
  • Me:So...can I get out now?
  • Spider:Sure, sure! Sorry I'll just move over here.
  • Me:Thanks. You have a nice night. Don't come into my bedroom, okay?
  • Spider:Nah, that's your space. We're cool. Have a great evening.
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eatingisfab:

do you sometimes wonder why you have weird friends but then you snap and realize that youre as weird as them

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  • 110822

a simplified guide to sexualities

  • homosexual:sexually attracted to homer simpson
  • pansexual:gets off to various kitchen utensils
  • asexual:gets turned on by the first letter of the latin alphabet
  • demisexual:sexually attracted to you if and only if your blood is half divine
  • bisexual:can only have sex with two people ever. choose wisely
  • heterosexual:can only be satisfied by macklemore
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obscurebourgeoisie:

don’t buy colgate whitening toothpaste

it says guaranteed whiteness in 14 days

15 days have come and gone

and i am still asian

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budvveiser:

do you think clouds look down on people and think “that ones shaped like an idiot”

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aryastakres:

quixoticideals:

I TOLD MY DAD TO CHILL
AND HE SAID “I AM CHILL”
AND I SAID “I THOUGHT U WERE DAD”
I DAD JOKED MY DAD
I AM THE REVOLUTION

hello revolution im dad

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abbygubler:

itssexualhour:

My parents are both pastors and once I was fucking this one dude who’s dad was the pastor of the rival church and he whispered ‘talk biblical to me’ so i started reciting Psalms  23 and we ended up getting into a competition of who could recite the most bible versus before they cummed

the fuck kind of romeo and juliet is this 

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  • 141161

sorry:

kanyewesticle said: Not true I lost it to someone I didn’t love and idc

i think it just depends on the person personally haha

i cant even really put a valid input seeing as i have never been there :P

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